I bought this turkey costume: http://www.foureyesjokeshop.com/ProductImages/turkey_costume.jpg for TDay. I have been wanting to bust it out, but didnt want to ruin the suprise. But, last night I broke down.... I WORE THE TURKEY COSTUME!!!! It was fucking AWESOME!  [redacted] So, that was Stage #1 of the night.

Stage #2: Will calls (he's the guy with the boat we always use). He's brewing his own beer and wants me to go over and bs with him because he's bored. I don't tell him I'm dressed like a turkey, and walk the 2 blocks down to visit. The door is open (it always is) so I hunch down in the "I'M A FUCKING TURKEY BITCHES!!!" position with my arms folded up as wings and I chicken-leg it in the door while making clucking noises (I practiced it in the mirror before I left-- yeah I know, that's a chicken noise, not a turkey) well, Will freaked the FUCK out, and reared up like he was going to punch me from 30 feet away and behind a kitchen bar and said "what the fuck!?!" ahahahaha oh god, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen! He couldn't see my face and he ALWAYS gets weirdos walking in his house, because he's right on the main drag for drunk traffic. He couldn't see my face because the bright lights were all BEHIND me, and so the only thing he knows is that I said I would come over at some undefined time, and now he's got a goddamn fucking weirdo in his house clucking around and dressed like a turkey ahahahahahha

Anyway, he was brewing his own beer, and offered me a couple, I obliged like a gentleman. I had 4 of them. Now, 4 beers isnt so bad. Unless they're 12.2% alcohol. I basically drank a 12pack in the span of about an hour (while in my turkey costume). THEN I went to the bar. So, it starts raining a bit on my way, which sucked for my costume, but I love the rain so I was stoked. (mini-stage #3) My friend Remi texts me and says "let's go to the 47!" when I was by his house, and I said I was on my way, he asked if I wanted to swing by his place first, and I replied with "you asked for it!". He knew something was up at that point, but I refused to tell him that he was about to be visited by a gigantic fucking turkey. So, I arrive and his downstairs neighbor intercepts me and has a reaction very similar to Will's. We recruit him to join us.

Stage #4, the bar:

I arrive, stalking around the corner to make sure nobody sees me, and again walk in hunched over in my "I'M A FUCKING TURKEY BITCHES!!!!" position and cluck through the door. God, that will NEVER get old! Same reaction of everyone "What the fuck is that!? Wait-- is that Funbunz?" I guess I'm somewhat known for being a nutjob. Everyone else is obsessed with this "dignity" shit! So, we call up Ardee (my friend that owns the tat shop) and demand that she come see "The New Fun Bunz Costume". She leaves her shop immediately and comes down, and laughs her ass off along with us!

Stage #5: Ardee

So, we continue to drink, and she mentions that through the 3 years I've known her, I'm the only person she knows who has never asked her for a favor. I mention the time about a month and a half ago where I found myself stranded on an island 27 miles off the coast while drunk, dressed like a pirate, and not knowing anyone (that's an AWESOME story, btw!) and the only way back was to take a ferry to a harbor north of LA, and she volunteered to come get me. She reminded me that she *volunteered* that, and that I never even called her to tell her I was stranded, but she over-heard someone else mention it. I conceded. Then I said I had a favor to ask her, since I didn't want to be left out... So, last night, I got my lip pierced. It's a 14 gauge labret. It's awesome!!!

So, the night continues, and is laden with stories about us doing bar-invasions (just imagine a long-haired dude (Remi), a giant and FULLY tattooed biker chick (Ardee), and a human-sized turkey coming into a bar-- yeah, it was fucking hilarious! We did the same thing each time at each bar and it never lost its humor!), it rained, so I actually wound up taking a cab home. The cost was $2.80. I tipped a $5, stumbled inside, apparently drunkdialed an ex, and then passed out on the couch with one turkey leg off, one on, and romantically snuggling with the head of the turkey.

hahaha


The end... but to be continued, I'm certain!