My after work ritual.

Goddamn I need to get a camera so I can take pictures of things more interesting than my big dumb face or my cat.

How much do surface piercings hurt? I'm all set to go get the corset done but my inner wuss is calling. Actually don't tell me, it really doesn't matter. It's a shame alcohol thins your blood, I could use a bit of liquid impulsiveness to get over the nervousness hump.

Overheard at a party I catered last week for extra cash (imagine everything being said by guys dressed up a little in a completely serious tone for the full effect, nothing was said afterwards regarding the subject):

Completely normal hetero guy #1: So how's the unicorn tattoo healing up?
Completely normal hetero guy #2: Pretty well, I got the rainbow added in too.
Completely normal hetero guy #1: Oh nice.
Completely normal hetero guy #2: Florescent colors and everything. Itches though.

Although I'm the only security guard to not have dopey little freshman groupies asking about me all the time (I work in an almost entirely all-girls school and am the only female guard on my shift), I have discovered the joys of seeing the walk of shame around 5am when the random dude they brought home from a bar comes down to haggle with me. The encounter happens the same way every time; the guy looks embarrassed and weirded out that they have to ask a girl this, sheepishly asks me if he needs her to sign him out (they do by the book), and then begins bargaining with me on how to get his ID back without having to talk to the girl sleeping upstairs that he just pumped and is trying to dump. Oh the schradenfreud.

 Apparently one of the new hires we're all trying to break due to him being a horrible person and possibly a child molestor (no evidence for the latter but HOLY SHIT he has a mugshot face) had a hissy fit involving swinging around a 2x4 and a bush that an injured person was supposedly in. I think we're finally getting to him. I can't wait to see it on camera tomorrow.

 The newcastle is going to work so this entry is probably shiite. I'd apologize to all five of you who still read my ramblings, but you're probably used to my bullshit by now.

 Love,
 Locke

Fun Fact: Some kid dressed up as the Joker and went around giving girls smile scars in my town this year on Halloween. When I say "kid" I mean he was about 12. Holy shit.

Ok that was depressing but I just found it out so I thought I'd share, so here's a real fun fact.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, PLUTO IS A PLANET YOU SHITS.

I'm sorry that was uncalled for. For real this time.

It is rumored that Alexander the Great was buried in honey. Burying the dead (especially nobility) in or with honey was common practice in Egypt, Assyria, and other regions. This is because bees are the greatest.