Now I also feel it is necessary to add that not every love in a polyamorous relationship turns into a sexual love. It is however nice to be able to relate and interact in physical way when the feelings are right.

It is almost a gift to be able to bring a person into that circle of trust and shared being. Sex can be about so many things individually or all at once. But mostly it is about being on the same page at the same moment in time with your partner, and mutually sharing physical pleasure and that level of closeness is pretty powerful.

I love A LOT of people, and try to show that through Casual Intimacy, friendship, just generally being there for people and even through sexual expression. Love is a huge emotion. You can love on so many levels and through so many different channels. I think one of the great things about Polyamory is the ability to love without boundaries.

One Con is a poly lifestlye can open you up to hurt and heartache. But then again opening yourself to love and feelings can never really be a bad thing.

It's good you know where you stand on your feelings. If only everyone where that honest with themselves and their partners.

I will note here that Poly relationships are not just about sex. Sex is certainly an option but Poly relationships extend to other types of relationships. A person can be a primary partner (family) and even a live in life partner with no sexual involvement. The relationship may be fullfilling some other need that a person is not getting in their other relationships. That is the biggest distinction between Poly and Swinging in my book. There are of course other characteristics that can exist in both Poly and Swinging but there are definite cultural differences.

Well Peachy and I are new to the whole poly thing. But we have friends that have been involved for a long period of time and we have been asking questions like yours a WHOLE LOT!

So I will try to answer them as best I can.

Do poly people have just multiple partners? or are there some of you who have your "primary" partner/SO yet still have your additionals? Yes......But from what I can tell MOST have a primary relationship or a primary Tribe or family in which they are all involved with each other. But there are no real rules there are as many configurations as there are different types of people.

For those who have primary partners, do you find if there are any issues in the multi-relationship aspect, is it more from your primary partner, or do most issues stem from the other partners having trouble dealing with the fact that you arent commited to them? Well here I don't have any personal experience yet but I would like to point out 1 thing.....In my view of poly its not like the others involved outside the primary ARE commited to....just a lower commitment than the primary. There are other types of poly relationships where the other are just fuck buddies or friends with benifits but that was not how I got to this place (If you want more info on my particular story just ask). I am quite sure that due to the nature of human relationships the greatest amount of issues will be with your primary.....IF you decide to check out this path for your relationship I HIGHLY suggest you do a lot of reading.....The Ethical Slut is a definate must read....and by using the skills it teaches you can transform jealousy into a much more constructive emotion.

If you move down that path go slow.....talk with your primary a lot and lay down each of your boundaries and make sure you respect them.

Does anyone solidly believe it is a personality trait, like sexual gender preference )? Let's assume no one thinks gender preference is a choice...just pretend.

I have a really hard time seeing that. People are naturally curious but they also naturally crave attachment. I think they're just two forces that work against each other, and it's finding out how to balance them so that your life works best.

I guess it's all very relative, and any hobby or preference can define a person, if they want it to. I just don't feel like there's anything essentially different about poly verses monogomous individuals.

Going between monogamy and poly isn't like going between lesbian and straight...is it?

If one assumes that gender preference isn't a choice as you say in your first statement how is it then people can "go between lesbian and straight." I personally believe that both are actually true....there are those that are born with a different genome that predisposes someone to be either Gay or Straight BUT I also believe there are many that choose to be Gay or Straight. And I furthermore believe that the same very well might be possible for Poly vs Monogamous.

That being said the purpose of the thread wasn't to determine which one is right or more natural but to get a feeling of how other people view relationships. Are they of the mindset that the primary relationship should be monogamous or is that asking TOO much of one person and therefore looking outside the relationship for support in areas that the primary is weak in or just not interested is okay.

I personally believe that the whole genome "I was born that way" is in MOST (not all) really more of a case of people not wanting to take responsibility for THEIR decisions that have in some way caused them what they percieve to be some hardship. And here is the inherent problem with that mindset: If I were to say well I was born an alcaholic then any of the pain and destruction that was a result of my problem I can divest myself of and therefore not feel any guilt. If I don't feel that guilt I feel less need to make amends. And if I don't recognize the pain and suffering I caused then I am effectivly illegitimizing those feelings that they feel. In turn they will feel even more abandoned and hurt and I can continue to go on my merry way to destroy more without consequence.

It is this belief in action without consequence that that has led to what I feel is what many percieve as the moral degradation in our society.....it really has nothing to do with a religous morality (although I can understand how it could be percieved that way), it is in truth an extension of the "Its all about ME" mentality. Remember John Nash's theory of eqilibrium can't remember the actual name of it at the moment......The best solution is the one where both parties win.

hmmm rambling on here I think

so for those of you familiar with Nancy Lieder and the Zeta's..........this concludes Zeta talk.